Carmen....I think that lots of people fall into the line of thinking: "If I can figure it out I can, then, FIX it". Especially those of us who are died in the wool "fixers" of problems. We think the WE can control it...that WE can fix it.
Carmen...you will never be able to get a clear picture of his mental derangements in your mind....never.....because, it is not doable. This forum has hundreds of stories of people..some who have spent 10--20--30--40yrs. trying to do this same thing...with no result.
I am actually a big proponent of learning and studying. I have always preached that knowledge is power. But, understanding a thing (even if that is possible) doesn't mean that you can always fix it.
dandylion