Originally Posted by
redatlanta 
I reread your threads.
No one can say whether or not your ABF has a mental disorder. I do not see anything you have written that would indicate that he has "alcoholic insanity". I actually think what you are talking about is "wetbrain" - which is an advanced outcome of long term drinking. The behaviors that you are concerned about - the moodiness and anger - are not signs of wetbrain.
What you are dealing with is prevalent amongst alcoholics period. You state that when he stops drinking he shows the signs of withdrawal so he most likely has a physical dependency on alcohol and not all alcoholics do.
I get asking the same question over and over I have done that myself. When someone does that its not that they don't understand its that they are searching for the answer they want it to be. You want to know that if he quit drinking that the anger, moodiness and everything else would go away. Dunno.
Nobody knows. He doesn't know. He exhibits some signs of BP 2. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. He has not attempted recovery so no way to answer that. And, if he does have a mental illness that's one more thing to have to treated and figured out.
You up for all this?
I'm sorry for what you are going through it sucks. Lexie and Hawkeye have nailed it though - you can ask a million times the answer will still be the same. He is an active alcoholic and that's all.
In my experience my AH quit drinking for 15 years and that's when the mental illness stuff started creeping into my thoughts. He quit before we married but both his parents were alcoholics. I didn't know anything about the disease and never heard the term 'dry drunk'. As redatlanta said here, he has not attempted recovery. And, I can tell you with certainty, that JUST quitting drinking alone may not be the answer to fix him.
I gave up caring whether he has a mental illness along with the alcoholism. It didn't matter. What mattered was how I was going to live the best life I could despite what he brought into my life. Living a full life despite the lying, despite the drunk driving, despite the unmanageability, despite the depression, despite the paranoia from him, despite the passive aggressive behavior, etc etc....you get the picture.
I needed to figure out what I wanted FOR ME and that's taken up enough of my mental and emotional energy to begin with, but it helped me stop trying to label him. What difference did it matter because he is who he is today. Can I live for the next 20 years with day after day being just like today? Because he's shown me no reason to believe that he will be changing. But, I can change and I can get better and I can develop a plan for where I want my life to be.
What is it that you want for yourself? If the next 5 years of your life are mirror images of what life is today....is that what you want FOR YOU?