I realize that an A isn't truly "sober" or in recovery unless they work a program, but for the sake of being able to tell a noticeable difference, when my AH is actually drinking, I can tell after as little as two beers.
When sober (or at least not drinking that day) he is very quiet, withdrawn, and even on the awkwardly withdrawn a silent type. After as little as two beers, he becomes a chatty patty, boisterous, loud, rambling, wanting social interaction with as many people as possible, or will follow me around like a puppy dog chit chatting away. Thing is, its usually always about something he's way passionate about or disturbed by at the time, and I've learned it does no good to try to participate in the conversation because he won't let you get a word in edgewise, and even when I used to it somehow always started a fight or him to go off on rant even if I spoke quietly and avoided any type of critism or negativity. Most of the time when he gets past 10 or 15 beers anyway, but things don't seem to escalate as bad if I zip it and nod my head or just stare at the TV like he's not there.
Even his mom can tell over the phone if he's had even a couple.
And when he's sober (again:"@least that day ") he is very meticulous and anal and has a " does the work of two men" work ethic , wipes toilet rims down after peeing-even in public restrooms, says "yes sir yes Mame" get a few drinks in him and he turns into a no show to work, cuss like a sailor, sloppy, messy, breaks things, risk taking, pees his pants then sits on others furniture and bed (tries to hide it) and belittles people invidiously....
He's gotten 5 DUIs, countless times in jail (says he misses it sometimes), drinking, fighting, assault on a police officer, restraining order (my ex husband/daughters)...
Very Jekel and Hyde! SIGH!!!