So, I have this discussion with my friends a lot. I was raised in a household with very limited drinking -- my parents didn't drink at all until they were in their 40s, and after that, only on special occasions (Christmas, wedding anniversary, even birthdays, etc) -- maybe 4-5 times a year at the most.
Like you, I married an alcoholic, and like you, I was told I was overreacting because "having a couple of drinks a day is normal."
Many of my friends agree. Many of them say it's a cultural difference, that in Italy and France, people have wine with meals every day and nobody thinks there's anything wrong with it.
What I've finally concluded is that I don't care one whit about what consensus is on "normal drinking" -- if someone's drinking is affecting my peace of mind and my quality of life, then it doesn't matter if the majority of the universe calls it "normal drinking." If it's something that affects my life, I have an absolute right to say "I don't want this in my life."
You can't control when, what, and how much your husband drinks. Only he can do that. What you can control is your life. Is his drinking disturbing enough to you that you would leave him over it? Is it more of a concern about what might happen down the line?
I find that when I determine what I want my life to look like first, it's easier for me to sort through the effects other people's choices and actions have on me and determine whether I want to give them and their behaviors a place in my life or not. For example, I don't want recreational drugs in my life in any way, shape, or form. Smoking pot is now legal in a few states -- but I still refuse to hang out with people who smoke pot or do other recreational drugs. That's my choice, and I have a right to make it. Whether people view drug use as "normal" or not has nothing to do with me.
If you start with the question "is this normal?" you ignore your own feelings and reactions on a subject.
Who cares if it's normal? If it's bothering you, you have a right to do something about it.