TF--time will heal and you do your work so faithfully--I am always inspired to hang on for yet another day in the hopes that my recovery will get stronger with enough time and patience and practice.
As I walk through this particular time...it has been a different Christmas on many many levels from the 38 that I had before moving to Chile to regroup financially with husband 2 years ago. Now, he is back...we are restarting many things...and our adult children are moving forward in their own lives and being adults (God Bless them!) and so even though we are not spending the 'day' with all of them (possibly 1 or 2) and even though I am not the 'center' of the communication loop anymore (as the caretaker/organizer mom)--I am looking for the new positives and am very aware that some of them already exist just pending me reframing what I am seeing. Our family life has been one of 25 years of constant and massive work to raise our children in the best way each of us and us together knew how to do. It is very unclear what the future holds...so staying very much in today...and also working on gratitude for what I can be grateful for...as well as acknowledging the hurt, uncertainty and fear...rather than trying to jump over it into some 'new' fix that actually is probably me just trying to escape the emotional pain. Also working to not disassociate as I learned a few years back was my primary coping mechanism from childhood but which no longer worked 8-10 years after my child passed and I could no longer stuff the pain and just work and do and not feel...my body was good to me...and brought my emotions back in the right time and although I hated going through all of what came back (kind of like the parted red sea falling back in in the Hollywood movie)--and I choose to believe that having gone through what we have chosen to go through with and around our kids has brought us to more mature places within ourselves. It is an adjustment with husband back after 7 months...had no clue before he went how much of an absence that really was...so being patient...working on positive and compassionate communication with him and all family members...and getting through the holidays...