waggin....I really do get how you FEEL...get sucked back in, etc. I really do. It takes a while to break away from the bonding that occurs in intimate relationships---whether that relationship is healthy or toxic--the feelings of attachment are the same.
Soooo, in light of this....I think it is much better to put your BRAIN in charge of your life for the next period of time. It is not safe to trust your HEART! You are still too vulnerable to let your heart direct things...LOL!
It sounds, to me, that you are getting it at an intellectual level. Good. Just keep that brain in command.
If you can do this long enough ....I think you will be just fine....
dandylion