IP,
In this case the problem was it got unburied. So no ceremony for the old run over mailbox. Good for you on your writing adventure. Look, as long as you are eating enough to thrive, and have a roof and bed, shower and hot water, you are rich beyond the wildest dreams of 3 billion of our fellow travelers on spaceship Earth who live on less than $2.50 a day.
World Poverty Statistics | Statistic Brain
You are living your dream. You took a chance on yourself and are scraping by, better than many recovering alcoholics will ever do!
More importantly you are learning that our culture is not the only culture. And, like the writers of the 1920s in Paris who later became very well off from their writing, some, to make big bucks wrote what sold! Read any bio of one of my favorites, Anais Nin. You have not had to resort to that. I have a feeling that you need to forge a new life, and a new perspective that your old rut could never provide. I'm so proud for you. I wish you, and most of the folks here could see yourselves from my perspective.
I've been called brave, and knew fear. Funny how the courageous never feel particularly courageous or aware of anything at the time, but do, or if not, suffer the consequences.
When you climb out of the pool, all you remember is swimming not sinking.
Sometimes we have to just jump in the deep end. Don't even consider failing IP. You've completed step one. Now take step two and find your price and how to get it.
Later in life, we all look back and marvel at how easy it was in hindsight. And how if we just placed value on ourselves, it was always paid. Low or high.
If you are selling something for a bargain price, you might find no takers. Funny thing, about half the time, if you raise the price to what YOU would expect to pay, many times it sells. People value services and goods in direct proportion to what they have pay.
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the gullibility of those who can afford the very best. I've found, in many areas, they haven't a clue themselves. They go by the price, and if necessary "acquire a taste" for it and learn to defend their choice.
Be the best. Don't ask, give them one chance to be part of your team. Don't worry, you'll eventually realize you are worth it.