It's hard to believe I have the ability to change anything, like the way I react to things. That's so ingrained in me. And it's hard to accept that it's completely my responsibility to figure it out. I'm sitting here telling myself I have to do something to help myself feel better, I won't feel better unless I try, and it's all on me to make the decisions about what I'm going to do. Seems obvious, but it's uncomfortable to even try. It's a lot of responsibility when I have never been able to actually pull that off. I don't have much confidence in my ability to change my thinking. Quitting this time has been so much about taking responsibility for myself and not blaming or expecting others to fix me. I get that, but it's lonely and I have no idea what I'm doing.