Dear SR and all the cyber family members and lurkers!
Poor Vale, we do LOVE to pick on him, don't we? He's such a wise old Duck...he knows
us well and what we are going thru...he went thru it too.
As these days draw closer to Xmas I find my heart aching for the olden days, the familuar
ones of Christmas past, longing for the memories. My minds knows, all to well what
my heart is going to do...live in the past...but the strength I do have, reminds me and
PULLS me in to TODAY.
Our hearts are so fragile right now, after months and years of exposure to so many sad
and painful emotions, I feel myself looking for some stability, some quiet peace...
I want to crawl under a rock and quiet this pain, to find the answer to set me free
from this heartache. Even today in church, as I sat alone, surrounded by my trusted friends and guided by my HP...I felt myself quietly weeping...not caring who saw me. I think
seeing so many "happy" couples, smiling, worshiping together, my heart is so sad and
maybe God showed me, that it's ok, I could let go.
I did and it hurt, but no one can live a life that has no health, no trust, no peaceful existence. So, I let go of my 30yr old dream, not the memories,
but the dream of a future together with a man I still felt love for.
Am I being selfish? Is loving "myself" more than this man a bad thing? Well, if it
is, than so be it, I'm selfish. My kids need their momma back, "I" need myself back.
Like NAB said, concentrate all this energy on what I have control over, the blessings
that I'm surrounded with, the joy and love that's been waiting for me.
Most of all, the hope. I've never waived that good bye, and "hope" always stayed near.
Again, SR, thank you for the lessons learned. The education and not giving up on me.
I'm smiling...I'm thinking about how much better 2015 can and will be!
Merry Christmas SR! My cyber family who believes in me!
Love,
TF