Just wanted to post...80 days sober today. I've made it further than any of my prior attempts. And I will go further.
But that insidious voice has been popping up lately. I'm moving in 25 days so stress is creeping in with that...Christmas and all that...the office is relatively quiet.
Here it is...I've been fighting the thought of drinking tomorrow. Call this playing the tape through call it what you will...but let me post it out.
If I drink tomorrow...I will lose the following.
80 hard earned days of continuous sobriety.
The respect/trust of my GF and family that have slowly grown to see I am serious this time.
I don't WANT to drink tomorrow. But the old pull/thought patterns are difficult to break. But I am gaining momentum in that regard.
I WILL not drink tomorrow. I'll be on SR when I get to the office to post on the 24 hour commitment thread. And I will call my sponsor first thing tomorrow morning.
And YES I have spoken to him today about these feelings/thoughts.
I've noticed this happens to me when I gain in sobriety...the soul crushing/life threatening consequences of my last drinking episode fade into almost nothing..like the memories did not happen.
But they DID. I have the hospital bracelet from my last drink 80 days ago to prove it...even though I was so drunk I don't remember being there.
I am not drinking today. And with the assistance of my higher power and my friends here on SR I will NOT drink tomorrow.
Have a good night SR. You WILL see me tomorrow!
