Dear SR,
This time of year is especially difficult for us mommas and friends of addicts to
enjoy, alone.
I have been reading posts from members who so desperately IMO, want to stay
with their active addict...to be a family, a father, mother or friend. And at Christmas,
the thought of being by myself, alone, is frightening. To survive this festive
season, without being a walking stressball...it will feel like torture....but I remember
back, it WAS like torture living with an active addict and/or someone in denial or
blaming everyone else for their problems.
I've accepted that it is what it is. Nothing more or nothing less. It's gonna be hard, it's gonna hurt and I'm gonna cry. But I will be safe, not a doormat, and I am positive.
People will call and wish me Merry Christmas, this will keep
me busy, my children are excited about the holiday and are not all caught up in the
pressure of being a "family" that is toxic or has failed. My family is broken. My husband
has left. But I have blessings, like the love of a child, my dogs faithful look
or the smile of a stranger that a "partner" could never give to me.
I will be "alone" this year but I won't be by myself, I will have my strength my health, blessings and sweet hope, and of course my SR family to read and chat with.
Sometimes we have a choice, but this year I didn't. But it's ok, I'm healthy, alive and
next Christmas, I will reflect back and realize that the right decision was made.
This was a very stressful year!
TF