(((zanzibar))) I understand these impulses to just run away as well! I know you don't want to "take up any more room on the board" but just to let you know you're not alone. I think we are all a mish mash of desires and fears, sometimes one can be stronger than the other. I especially understand the desire to be alone that is as strong in me as the desire to belong!!
It's crazy. Congrats on the new baby!
Welcome back !!
The grass is looking forward to its long overdue haircut!! x