New and ready to stop for good.
To begin, I am an alcoholic and this is my first forum post. I first realized that I'm an alcoholic a couple years ago when realized that there hadn't been a day I was sober for over a year. The bad things that happened to me; loss of a job, friends not talking to me anymore, DUI, I had attributed to bad luck and other such rationalizations. It wasn't until I did some deep thinking that I knew it was my lack of sobriety that was the cause to the problems and my unwillingness to stop drinking. Upon this realization I knew I had a problem, and that I am an alcoholic. I decided at that time that I would make an effort to stop drinking, on my own, and things would be better. I couldn't have been more wrong. I found that I couldn't go much more that a couple days without having a drink, and when I had that drink I would have a few more. I would continue having a few more until I was passed out. This continued until about this time last year when, once again, I said I was going to stop. I went to a couple AA meetings and found that it was good to see that out of all the different lifestyles, we all had the same pattern. However, I felt extremely uncomfortable at these meetings and stopped going. Since then, I manage to go two or three weeks without drinking at a time. But at the end of two or three weeks I somehow find the rationalization that it's alright to have a drink once and a while. Then I buy a bottle of liquor and drain the entire bottle, stumble to the store and buy one more bottle. I continue drinking until I pass out, wake up and drink some more. I binge drink until the point that I shouldn't be moving or dead. In the last two months I've done this three times, the last time was four days ago and I'm still recovering from the effects. Of course, after each time I vow never again to drink but after a couple weeks sober I find a reason to do it again. I'm afraid the next time may be my last. I want to stop, I don't want to keep putting my family through my idiotic binges, I need help. Thank you for taking the time to read this.