Originally Posted by
Justbreathe1980 
In my experience, working on myself is a priority. I cannot fix my husband, but I can offer him support and encouragement in his recovery, which is something that I am willing to do. To me, this is not managing my husband or his recovery, but merely making myself available to him as a source of support, while also still remembering to work on myself.
Many of us have spent years doing this, and have suffered pretty severe consequences as a result of our self-sacrificing. For some of us, it is best learn to focus on ourselves and our own boundaries, and to stop worrying about trying to help partners work through their own issues.