[QUOTE=hopeful4;5079345]I remember when my XAH was in the throes of addiction, I came here in desperation. What I was looking for was how to fix HIM. Everyone here kept telling me I could not, that I could only work on me. Wait, what?? There was nothing wrong with me...haha! I left for a time b/c I was not hearing what I wanted to hear. I later came back because I was finally ready. I was not terminally unique after all. Everyone has to hear things as they are ready.
In my experience, working on myself is a priority. I cannot fix my husband, but I can offer him support and encouragement in his recovery, which is something that I am willing to do. To me, this is not managing my husband or his recovery, but merely making myself available to him as a source of support, while also still remembering to work on myself.