Originally Posted by
Ruby2 
If you know that a traumatic event is looming you can take steps now to encounter it without drinking. As alcoholics we are programmed to immediately reach for a bottle to make it go away but it won't go away and drinking will only make it worse.
This is a hypothetical that I've run through my head. My father has a very bad heart, which is true. He has both a pace maker and defibrillator. As a child I always thought my parents would be there forever. He still lives a very active life with some limitations. However, every year he ends up in the hospital for a period of days. I never know when my mother will call to say he's in the hospital again. Each time he bounces back, a little weaker but still here. And here is the hypothetical. What happens when it's the end, come see your father now! When will that call come? Will it come in the middle of the night when if I'm drinking I'd be too drunk to move if I even hear the phone ring? So I miss seeing my father and saying one last goodbye? What if he does pass. I pick up a drink because I'm so distraught. Will it change his death? No. Will anyone blame me for drinking? No, probably not. But they will blame me if I'm too hungover to be any support to my family, especially my mother. If I show up to the wake and funeral reeking of alcohol. Stumbling, slurring, saying inappropriate things. Not being present in the moment to handle it or be of any use to anyone. It's me being selfish. Considering only my pain and my grief with little regard to anyone else.
So that's what I've thought. My AV has already told me. It's patiently waiting for the day that my father dies so that I have an excuse to drink. A reason for which no one will question. Pretty sick, isn't it? Using my fathers demise to pick up a bottle. So I know that is what I face. I know now so I can think it through. Surround myself now with loving support so that I can face the pain sober. So I'm there with my mother and can support her. Drinking would be such a bad idea. Don't do it.
I'm in a similar situation. My mother is very fragile, health-wise.
We thought Mom would go first. But it was Dad. Very sudden, very unexpected. Not quite seven months ago.
A couple days after Dad died, I was home alone. Still numb. Barely processing it all. One of the old neighbor kids stopped by. With a six-pack and a kind smile to match the kind intentions.
I knew I'd be alone in the house for a while. Long enough to slam the beer. I had a split second to make a decision. I thanked my old friend, but said "I don't drink anymore. Give the beer a good home." The friend and the beer were gone.
In that moment, that moment of temptation, I thought: "Well, I could start drinking again. Then what would I be? Without a father AND back to being an alcoholic." I decided the former was hard enough without adding the latter. I stayed sober.
Croissant/Gina, I hope that helps you. You've been a steadfast support to so many here. Whatever it is that hurts you right now, I hope it is soon to leave. All my kindest wishes to you. -- Venecia