However...
Sometimes, newcomers who are still in the grips of their codependency see as "controlling" or bitterness and jadedness from SR old timers what is actually just genuine care for their safety. We aren't judging. We've just BTDT and can see disaster coming a mile away. We don't want it to happen, of course-- we'd just rather hope that we can use our own life lessons to help others.
I've found for myself, that when certain members trigger me, I need to just walk away. They will have to learn-- or not learn-- how to face their own sick, controlling, manipulative condependency the hard way, much like I did.