thanks for listening/reading and for your messages.
it was really hard to write what i did, all through my life i have always had deep dark secrets, when i had the media exposure it was very traumatic hearing a newsreader disscuss your deepest darkest secret for everyone to hear, but there was a strange sense of relief as it was no longer a secret, as now everyone knew, it was embarrasing but still a relief. it still is hard, but only because i am still trying to understand it, but the more i say say it, the more i understand!
i am sure that my story will change with time, as i grow in understanding of what i have done and the impact it has had on myself, my victims, my family, my friends and on society itself.
so today i am felling better, it bit less pressure having told my story openly to you all. i am fighting hard at the moment with my addictions, AM I TAKING ON TOO MUCH FIGHTING THREE ADDICTIONS AT ONCE? i am doing my best to stay out of my head and stay in the moment...
i am doing ok, staying in the moment does help. my counselor also taught me a great technique, comforting/hugging the inner child, in those moments of fear or sadness just to visualize yourself hugging or just comforting yourself as a child, it works very well.
i remember sitting in the back of the police detectives car after having had my house searched, i told the detective that the internet was an evil place, that is how i felt at that time, it was just about pornography, but now i am starting to feel different about it, finding forums like this is incredible for me, i no longer feel a need to make an excuse to go on the internet.
so thanks to all for being part of this great forum!
brad
ps i think i might treat my self and go see a film, IN GOOD COMPANY