finding SR was a huge step for you. take just a moment and say, yeah go me! it can start NOW. in fact, it's already started! we're here 24/7.
I understand the hesitation to find a NEW counselor and start all over. maybe by getting some of it out here, that will help you sort thru it all. and maybe one day you'll think hey, maybe I WILL saunter off to that meeting! maybe you'll start by finding out where one is and then just doing a drive by - get the lay of the land, practice run if you will.
one thing I know....you can't love HIM well, but you can love yourself enough to want to get well. for you....for your kids. you matter. THEY matter. yeah, he matters too, but he's a big boy and can take care of himself.
so
- you are not alone now.