wake up empty, continuous cycle.
"I feel unspeakably lonely. And I feel - drained. It is a blank state of mind and soul I cannot describe to you as I think it would not make any difference. Also it is a very private feeling I have - that of melting into a perpetual nervous breakdown. I am often questioning myself what I further want to do, who I further wish to be; which parts of me, exactly, are still functioning properly. No answers, darling. At all.”
― Anne Sexton
This is word for word how I feel. I don't understand how it got this far with my HFA.
For now I need to forget about him and focus on making me better. I'm so over feeling empty inside. I cry and cry and cry some more every single day. I don't know, I'm pretty lost.
What I do know is I'm tired of my friends and family judging me because I stay. I'm not physically beaten and 9/10 times there are no fights...I just have come to feel very alone. My best friend is gone. I do see a glimpse of him from time to time. I guess that's why I'm still here. It's working on 4 years now that this started, 5 if I'm to be honest with myself. I miss him.