Lance40

My commitment to sobriety caused me to do something this morning that is almost unthinkable. Some of you may recall the house guest situation I vented about a couple of days ago, and that kind of came to a head for me this morning. I've been with my partner for 15 years and the relationship has always gone well, but today I needed to put an overnight change of clothes, some toiletries and my laptop in my back pack and let him know that I had to leave to find some solace, peace and quiet and that I wasn't sure if I would be back tonight.

I'll never forget the look of hurt and pain in his eyes as he looked at me; it will be forever seared in my memory. He looked just like a lost, dejected little boy who has no idea what is going on or what to do about it. My heart nearly broke, but I had to will myself to turn and walk to the door while going by the boxes with the Christmas tree which we were going to put up today which is one of his favourite things to do in the world - he lights up like a little kid when he hangs the ornaments.

Now I'm at the office where I was going to be able to avoid working this weekend after weeks of overtime and Saturday work. I'm so broken and hurt so much it's an actual pain in my heart. It's been a wonderful life for 15 years, and I just don't understand how a 3rd party can come in and somehow it turns into something like this. There's nothing wrong with us, but there's a situation where it seems like there's a powerlessness to do anything about.

I'm committed to not drinking, but how do you survive these kinds of feelings without something to numb or take them away?