Thank you everyone.
A lot of my frustration just comes from not knowing what exactly I have going on with me. Codejob, Stanford is close to me and I'm meeting with a hematologist oncologist this coming week. I want to know what the heck is going on. I'm in pain and it's so frustrating because I can't do things that I normally do and I'm usually VERY active and I'm so exhausted that it's difficult to stay frustrated because I'm just so super beyond tired. I only saw my doctor about my symptoms on Monday because I have a recurring fever that settles in every afternoon and then miraculously has vanished by the morning and because I have the worst night sweats imaginable and so much pain in my muscles and joints and nausea and headaches and none of this crap is going away on it's own! My first best case scenario: worst case of PMS/cramps in recorded history. WRONG!!! Then I was hoping it was the flu. WRONG!!! Meningitis? WRONG!!! On Tuesday and Wednesday I had labs and more labs and imaging done to check things out. I have all of the symptoms for AML except that my lymph nodes are swollen too and that's rare and I have internal swelling in my pelvis that showed up on my CT scan and all of my blood work is super wonky. AML is rare in people under 40, I'm about to turn 30. Basically any ****** symptom that you can imagine CAN be a symptom of Lupus too so I really have no idea*. There is definitely something seriously wrong. I wish someone would just give it a name and then give me some directions on what the heck to do about it so I can be a part of the solution.
* I've been studying at the Google School of Medicine for the past week, so obviously I'm an expert in all medicine and totally qualified to self diagnose now [statement is oozing with sarcasm for the sarcasm impaired].
** Fun fact: My sponsor had cancer (and obviously beat it and it's never come back, score one point for her!!) when her kids were similar ages to my kids (her kids are my age now). If I didn't believe in some kind of god I do now. She likes to pretend that she's a doctor like I do too. She is my health scare wing-lady.