I'm sorry that all those things happened without you knowing Zanz.
I know too, how easy it is to blame yourself.
But I'm an alcoholic and addict too -I know I was way more than that and I know I was way better than the worst thing I've done.
Sometimes others, for reasons of their own, find it hard to forgive.
I think we need to remember that other people have issues too and that not everything is completely our fault.
The Zanzibar I know is a thoughtful caring man who, for all his human faults and failings, doesn't deserve the treatment he's getting from his son.
I'll keep saying that until you can accept it
D