Originally Posted by
CodeJob 
My RAH and I have discussed my feelings that gifts I received from him were with these sort of manipulative ties in marital counseling. He does not get it even sober. Because to get it makes a big part of his identity fray. The giver all of a sudden has a sinister side.
I can see that. If they admit that the gifts are really to "balance out" their bad behavior, then they have to admit and perhaps address the bad behavior. That would force them out of denial and lord knows that almost never happens.