Thank you for the great share Grind. I can sympathize with how you feel.
Life is about 2nd, 3rd and 10th chances. We need to be kind to ourselves and understand that we all make mistakes, and we all will continue to make mistakes. I personally strive to make sure I don't keep repeating the same ones over and over. Drinking is one of the biggest mistakes you can continue to make.
One of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself is to stop drinking and get involved in as many programs and sites like this that will allow you to see we all have our own struggles.
Keep your resolve to stay away from alcohol and you will find the way. were all here to support one another!