I have tendencies in similar directions. It took getting into alanon to start recognizing them and acting differently. The behaviors have been with me since I was a teen, sometimes more prominent that others but always there. I have some ACOA stuff from childhood which I suspect is much of the basis for it but that will come out more as I work thru the 4th step.
I don't think he'll change unless he chooses to- for me things got darker and nastier the more stress I felt.