Thanks for the welcome you guys!
@MythofSisyphus I just believe this program works for some people, but first it's essential to check your opinions and other life/spiritual views at the door. This, I find sad. I've always been a visitor of the rooms in the past 2-3 years I've been trying to get sober (this afforded me to just listen and leave once the meeting was done to go back to my own life) but this is the first time I got a homegroup that heavily studied the literature, a sponsor, service positions etc. I really wanted to do the deal so this thing could work for me. In a sense it was working as it kept me busy on most days. But I realized I opened an uncomfortable probing into my life in exchange for a certain promised spiritual experience and longterm sobriety. I wish I honestly just stayed on the fringes which they always warn against, but this is honestly the only way to really take what you like and leave rest as they put it.
I believe this is my 4th day of not attending a meeting or having the daily nerve-wracking phone calls with my sponsor and the reaction is what I expected it to be. There's much concern for my wellbeing. I have not responded to these messages and calls as I don't want to explain or defend my decision.
I'm filled with excitement about taking charge of my recovery and using this site amongst other things as a resource. So much time has freed up, honestly. It feels good.
