Thanks for a great share Frixion. I understand exactly where you are coming from. Sometimes when I sit in the rooms and hear about all the pain; loss of family, job, home and friends; and stints in rehab or psych wards I sometimes feel that I don't even deserve to be there. That's when I have to remember what some wiser people than I here at SR have told me: alcoholism is alcoholism. I may not have yet done what others have but I've sure as heck done a lot more than some and we all share the same thing in common - we have a problem with alcohol and the start of the long-term solution is to not drink one day at a time. Anything else we think is just our ego trying to rationalize, justify and explain it all away. It's great that you realize this in your own journey into sobriety.