I do this too. Just wanted you to know that you're not alone.
I've disappeared before too, and it never solved a thing. My husband passed away a few years ago while I was "gone" and it's something i have to live with every day, even though we were separated at the time. (He was only 35 which is even more devastating).
I'm trying really hard to make sobriety stick this time, and I think this is one of those things I'm going to have to learn to deal with.
I hope you find some peace and that you can find a way to forgive yourself.