I just got a clean bill of health from the doctor and prior to this I swore I would never drink again if I found out I was in good health.
MCal, this is the sort of thing I think is a problem. You somehow believed that making a conditional vow to stop drinking was going to work. 'I will quit drinking IF blahblahblah'. Not going to work. I think there has to be a position that you will never drink no matter what. No matter how sad, how angry, how hurt, how anxious or depressed, phhhhhht, it just doesn't matter.
Do you believe you can quit drinking? Do you believe you deserve to quit drinking? Do you believe your life will be better in every single blinking way WHEN you quit? Do you believe you can have life you can accept or you can drink, but you cannot do both?
See if you can see your way clear to answer yes to those questions. Then do it. I believe in you, MCal. I do.