uptightbitch

Now it's getting close to the holidays and there's pressure to go visit for Christmas!

Just spent 20 mins on the phone with my mum, she wants me to be there for Christmas Day. Truthfully I really don't want to be for two reasons; I'm in a great relationship and want to be with my boyfriend and his son and because I don't want to deal with the potential drama at my mums house.

My mother fully acknowledges that my brother is an addict and she can't control him and that he is not reliable (I infer sober) right now.

During our conversation she told me that she thinks he got high the last 3 times I visited them because he is uncomfortable around me and we talked this idea over. But after I got off the phone it hit me, she just blamed me for him choosing to get high! She's saying it's my fault, again! She said that it was out of character for him to get high. A month after my last visit she told me they were fighting because he was 'behaving badly' and that she told him he had to get out, stay somewhere else. I wasn't there, I wasn't planning to visit, I hadn't been there for a month, so, he does get high without me around, it is in his character to behave badly when I'm not there. I might be a trigger but I would only be one of 20 or 100 or 1,000 triggers.

I've had to listen to things like this for years. I'm so hurt and I feel like an outsider in my own family and this feeling is getting worse and worse. She must hate me so much to say things like that.

I know she is trapped and trying to do so much for our family but it's not my fault he gets high and it's not fair to suggest it is. I feel like she really cannot let all the blame fall at his feet. She can't really hold him responsible for his choices.

She's so worried that people think it's her fault and gets very defensive even when no one has said a word of blame to her. She is almost desperate for a scape goat and doesn't hesitate to blame anyone.

I feel like I will have to disown my family soon.