I don't believe that sobriety must come with a cost, other than the cost of no alcohol. Wait a minute, that's a benefit. I digress.
I also don't believe that you must count yourself a person who is constitutionally incapable of being honest because of your past failures at maintaining sobriety, if such a person even exists. I don't believe they do.
I believe that you can choose to get sober, and stay that way. I believe you have within you what you need to succeed. I believe in you, FreetheFish.
There are different roads we may choose to get to our final goal. I hope you find the one that makes sense to you.