Originally Posted by
jaynie04 
I admire your strength, but I also honor your vulnerability, because I think that is probably the side of you that needs to feel safe right now.
My eyes welled up with tears when I read that Jaynie. Thank you.
As Dee had commented earlier..yes, that dam broke.
And to those who mentioned that I did need to recommit to my sobriety..I do think there's a lot of truth to that.
I don't want anyone to find any reason to relapse in what I say here (I don't condone it I mean)..but I do know this is my journey in sobriety...
And I also know that "emotional sobriety" is something very important to me.
I struggle with my void. And yes, Groundhog Day...I'm running a spiritual program.
Before I left for the Great White North. I lost $600 in a casino. It was in my purse because I was supposed to buy new tires....
I don't know what happened...well, I do...I lost money I shouldn't have.
I have eating issues also...
AND well, I've been trying to quit smoking for over 4 years...
And I'm OFF nicotine completely...again.
I have relapsed a milion times with the smoking...some of you may know I have been wearing a freaking patch off and on for years ..and it's gone.
Anyways... I don't have an "OFF" button for a lot of things...SOMETIMES..not all the time..but it's all up there in the annals of addiction anyway.
I may not have posted BEFORE I drank. I have before.. I know that magic in that...but as Fini said...I didn't want anyone to stop me.
I want to be a non smoker and a non drinker. I want to be healthy. I want to work out and eat right and generally...
RESPECT myself...emotionally, spiritually and physically...
I will get there.
Thank you sooooooooooooooooo much for all the kind things you have all said.
I don't know what my program is right now...but I do know it has to be an honest one. And I know I have to accept who I am..which is...a gal with no reliable off button...
For a lot of things. I will keep on ..keeping on...sober.