DW commented that "it isn't just me. I don't like it when you make it that the problem is only me. That's not the only thing."
I am reminded that my estrangement from some of my FOO members isn't just due to mistreatment of my DW. It's also mistreatment of me. Throughout my childhood I was called the "lazy" and "stubborn" one. Many of my chosen friends were determined to not be good enough in different language (this one was too nerdy, that one was too loud, this one is...etc).
Just the name-calling alone is not enough to cause issues. What was the real kicker for me is when I started talking about the mistreatment and how I don't like it, I was met with DENIAL, abdication of responsibility, "you're too sensitive", "that was a joke", "you made that up", etc.
You really can't fix what you don't acknowledge.
I simply cannot fix my siblings and/or parents (I've still have quite a few that are perfectly reasonable so I will stay in touch). I can fix my own life and take better care of myself. If they can't even acknowledge the abuse that has occurred, then I've got no patience to wait for the next blow. I need to have people around who provide support, love, encouragement, and genuinely want me to be happy and honor my efforts to do so (without support for my sobriety, and next to nothing said about the infertility of my wife and I, it's hard to believe that some of my FOO members even care about my happiness). There's really not much of a relationship to salvage. I'm probably doing myself a favor by walking away.
Then when I find time available all of a sudden and I look up those old friends that have lost touch. I see them and it's like a ray of light coming down (with "I can see clearly now" playing in my head. I saw an old friend the other day. It was like a light-switch had been flipped. "What gives? what's their issue with you and the wife - you're awesome and your wife seems fine to me - I don't get it." and lots of other supportive stuff like actually being able to ask me about my sobriety...and lo and behold...to LISTEN.
When I want 5 bags of sugar, and a FOO member only has 2 bags. Instead of trying to get 5 bags from the, I need to get the 3 other bags I need elsewhere. Friends are the family we choose for ourselves, right?
