Thank you guys... I debated all day yesterday and this morning whether or not to be honest here. But I had to...because that is who I am. I would feel hypocritical posting otherwise. I am sorry I didn't reach out here first...
Quite frankly...I didn't even want to. And that's scares me...
I had numbers to call..places to turn...I did not want to.
I don't know what that's all about...
I don't know what I should have done at what point. I was sick of "recovery" somehow. I have no idea how to explain that. I did not know how to step back and take care of myself...
I didn't know how to turn off my mind..
Meditation has been sporadic at best...
I just bought a one month pass at a local community center ...and have added physical exertion/release to my "wellness plan"...
Hopefully...I will understand what happened and know how best to prevent it from happening again in future.