Hi CNY46ER.
I'm sorry about all this. I definitely feel for you because knowing myself, I think I would be equally pissed if my significant other talked with my therapist, doctor, or anyone behind my back who I have confidential relationship with regarding my personal issues. To be honest, I think I would be in a sort of rage, and I am really not an angry person, just very sensitive to uninvited intrusion into my private sphere. Well I should say "unwanted" instead of uninvited, because sometimes unexpected influence can turn out a very good thing.
At the same time though, fairness or not, anger or not... it's definitely good that your addiction counselor knows about the relapse. Of course would have been better if this came from you, but it happened this way, seems like you had no control over it. I think that your wife most likely had good intentions and did it out of worry both for you and for herself. Perhaps she felt betrayed before and did not trust you at this time? You know, people arrange interventions and things like that...
I think you are not wrong in how you feel about it. It's just that you can't revert it now so perhaps better not to cultivate the anger or resentment further, it just interferes with both your recovery and the relationship with your wife. I would definitely talk with your wife about all this and tell her how you feel, ask her why she did this, and make an agreement that next time she would talk with you first before any such action.
Again, I know that I would feel similarly mad subjectively, but like others said, sometimes intrusion and crossing boundaries serves good purpose in the longer run especially, even if we don't enjoy the process.