When I lost my sister on 9/11, I hated God.
When I lost both my mother and grandmother on the same day, I hated God.
But luckily for me God didn't hate me back. He knew the pain I was in and my anger...and man I was angry! Not just at God, but at everything. And then the anger turned inward and depression took hold. And I self-medicated. And I thought, like you, if God doesn't care, why should I?
But... in time, the anger and sadness abated. And through my tears and hurt I saw that God was still there. He hadn't abandoned me like I thought. And he may seem very distant to you now, but I know he will remain with you.
Your pain is new and searing hot... scream, get angry, cry, do what you need to do. Just understand that God will see you and your family through this. Take care