its so good to hear from all of you!
Here is what happened last night: As you know, I took the Ritalin and went over to my friends house and shared some with her . My BF was at work. But then he calls me and said he is coming home cause he had an accident at work. SO I said he could come and pick me up. But I was so high on the ritalin so I didnt really wanted him to see me. But inside I wanted to tell him so bad , what was going on. We stop at the supermarked to get something to eat and I get really anxiety attack and is having a breakdown inside the store and just fell to the floor crying. He walks me back into the car, and I just cry and cry and he asks whats going on. I say I cant tell you, you'll leave me. He say he wont do that but I just cant tell him. I want to, but the words cant come out of my mouth. And he asks , is it this , is it that, I say no.
He is out of suggestions... then I say, I cant tell you cause you once said you would leave me if I did this...and with that I kinda told him and he understands. But he wouldnt leave me!! He had NOT a clue what was going on but now it all make sense to him.
Now he of course take it as granted that I should stay clean and I gave him all my pills and he counted them and hid them. Sadly he doesnt understands the concept of addiction . And he threatens me and say if any of the pills is missing, he will tell everyone that I am using and he will also leave me. This makes me feel so scared and uncertain and just adds upon the stress factor of the withdrawal. He says he does this so it will be easier for me to stop when I have this threat upon me. It just makes me feel anxious and stressed. what do you think of this method?
Anyway , he is at work now and I am home alone and on day one of clean-ness. I know there is pills in the house as you know if you cared to read this all. Please help me.