SoberMaddie

Hi

I'm sorry if this is in the wrong place, I couldn't find a thread to put it on so figured newcomers would be my best bet!

I'm just over 2 months sober and I have been with my partner for over a year. We were friends for a lot longer and he has always been a massive support and whenever I've asked him about him he always says he's happy and doesn't have any problems and I've been too involved in myself to ever take that as more than face value.

Over the past month our relationship has been evolving, whilst I've been sober before I haven't involved myself in AA as much as I do now. I now have set the boundary that I don't discuss my alcohol or drug issues with him, as it's upsetting for him and often makes me worse because he doesn't understand. That's okay, it would be odd if he understood that side to me. However, now I have stopped using him as a support he seems to be changing too. Our relationship is slowly moving to a point where I look after him much more, which I quite like! All of these changes had gone unnoticed by me until at the weekend, when he'd been drinking, and said that he believes his best quality is that he can fix people through logic as people are not logical and make stupid decisions that hurt them. He then went on to try and solve our friends argument and kept getting involved, told me he knew he'd helped me and I asked him if he knew that him fixing me had nothing to do with me getting better and there was no actual "fix" and my recovery has to be down to me, he disagreed and said he'd done loads with me. He often says I should use him more as a "role model" as he's more logical and makes good decisions; when he says that I know he's only half joking. He has said many times that he wants to make me better and only wants me to be happy. Now I am getting better and happier and I need to rely on him less he seems to be struggling.

My self centredness made me believe I was the only one with issues, I was so unprepared for the idea that my best friend and boyfriend would have issues too.

My partner has a great life, brilliant friends and is the most kind and caring person I know and has put up with so much from me and has never lost his temper and been angry; he's only comforted. Now I'm beginning to think that one of the the things that fuelled him was piecing me together after every relapse or mental breakdown etc...! I so desperately want to help him and us and me but I don't know what to do. I'm trying to keep it in the day and to keep my recovery away from this. I have discussed it with my sponsor and she did put my mind at ease and said it isn't unusual but I think I need to talk to someone who has had it happen.

I'm so sorry for droning on and probably missing stuff out, I just feel like I'm grieving for a relationship that still alive but completely different to how I originally saw it. I don't want to leave or get out, it's just a shock!

Thank you in advance for any comments!

Maddie