Sooo depressed
Wow I've been so happy with how good I'm doing and I just became so depressed. I'm so sad right now.. I have no desire to use but I've just been thinking about all the stupid things I did while on drugs, mistakes I've made, People I hurt...I feel so bad. I know I cant change the past and only move forward and I've been doing that...It's just that Im really upset right now. Im so proud of myself for even stoping for one day because I was so heavily consumed but now that I think of what I've dont while using for the last 3 1/2 years is really bothering me. I was so stupid how the hell could I have allowed myself to get involved with this sh*t and get so deep in this. I had everything going for me too, I just kinda felt like soemthing was missing and started smoking pot all by myself one day because none of my friends smoked weed because I hung out with the "good kids". Then high school rolled around and all the "good kids" started drinking and smoking....I guess thats how I partly justified it...I was doing drugs and involved in some serious **** with kids who's parents are seen as really influencial and my dad is too and I thought ok if they're doing it too its ok. But the difference was is that I just couldnt pass school with the drugs and they could because most of them had more control and weren't as open as me....I didnt care who knew or what they thought I was doin my thing and what I thought to be doin good for myself. How the hell did I end up like that? I know I should just be gratefull as to where I am now but Im so upset about the things I did and people I've hurt in my addiction. I know I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight because I'm just so upset if anyone can help me in anyway please post I'll keep looking in I really need someone to talk to right now. I got a kid whos like a big brother to me who I used with everyday but he allways looked out for me at the same time, he got clean 4 months ago and is there for me when ever I need him, he was just at my house earlier tonight lifting but I'm not gonan call him because it's late and even though he tells me to call him when ever I get like this no matter what time it is. I just dotn feel right doin it to him. Somone please help.