I know i am going to need some help.I am on 20 mg of bup - down from 16 just recently. mydr wanted me on 24 from day 1, was very pushy about that. I had huge reactions from the drug and still do, it is obviously a dose that is far too strong. but, i know i am addicted to it just as i was opiates.
i have no fear of real relapse because i have cut all ties with everybody i knew and it was doctors i was getting my drugs from (due to pain).
i dont have it in me to play that game again, and now sub/bup is part of my record and i am glad for that - it would make returning to pills much harder.
but, i really dont trust these sub dr's. most of them are very flaky, fly by night types who act like they are doing something illegal.
they dont take checks or credit cards or anything with a record. they behave like drug dealers accepting only cash or western union. their offices and cellphones are obviously temporary. and i dont know what they are hiding from, but i strongly feel they cannot be trusted.
i say this because my doc got me on a very high dose (and i listened, like an idiot), and now she misses appointments, fills scrips late, and does not take her pracice that seriously all of a sudden. i would not be suprised if she vanished one day, leaving me to fend on my own.
and...because she pushes my monthly refills to the very limit i have no reserve.
i am out today, and she did not show up for her appointment.
i am not freaking out yet, but i am assuming within a day or so she will show up, call me and we will continue to play this game until I MYSELF decide to taper off the stuff and quit.
i am thinking i need to start very very soon. like now.
seriously, what would i do if i went from 20-16-nothing in a day?
i am not asking for medical advice, just conversing - conjecture. :-)
i think its time for a taper. glad it works in a positive way for others. i have hope...