I want a new way of life
I just joined this site. I had my last drink today. I do not want to drink anymore. I've tried and failed many times to get sober. Every time I tried a little bit harder than the time before, but I always exercised my own will in there, always. I'm scared now because I'm shy to go back to my home group.. and I don't think I want to use the same sponsor I began working with several months ago. But I can't let my fear hold me back as it has in the past. I won't.
Today I looked up the definition of self-pity and found:"excessive, self-absorbed unhappiness over one's own troubles."
I had never thought of it like that before. It's like I'm just realizing I have the power to choose - I can stop drinking and obsess over that decision until I go back on it and succumb to that persistent voice in my head. OR I can stop drinking and embrace it! Plough through the fear to the other side, meet life head on. I don't want to wallow in self-pity.
I know at 10 am tomorrow when the stores open I may not be so optimistic so I'm writing this now to look back on it.
I'm happy to be here on this forum, thanks for listening.