((((())))
It doesn't hurt to tell your A how you feel. But how many times do you want to say it. To repeat the same thing over and over again without any change is insanity.
Without realizing it, I found that one of the best ways to get my point across to my AH was to keep quiet and let him do what he wanted. (It also really helped my sanity) It really got him thinking and I think that encouraged him get sober (after a year of BS and working on MY recovery). He's been sober for 7 weeks now and is, for the first time doing things to improve HIS situation ~ only time will tell what happens next. And like all things, he did get worse before he got better. NO, I don't thing I was able to change him, it was his choice. I just kept my foot down and stopped accepting the unacceptable.
One of the hardest things I've ever had to do was to do what my HEAD told me. I think you answered all of your questions.
Have you read the book, CoDependant No More, by Melody Beatie. It is wonderful!!
Take care of you first and the unanswered questions will come clear.