Originally Posted by
Briar 
Anxiety is terrible, but it's temporary. Try to stay comfortable and don't overwhelm yourself right now, you just need to get through today and start working on a plan. Try something, take one little step. This is my second serious, not-messing-around stab at recovery, and it had to start with something I'd never done before. I had to do something. For me it was a LifeRing meeting, and making that leap set the stage for a lot of progress. You have your life set up in a very solid way right now to support drinking. You have to put a crack in that. I was so terrified to go to that first meeting, it took everything I had not to turn around and run, but it was the catalyst that opened me up to a lot of progress. They say "nothing changes if nothing changes," and I understand that now. You will too. You can do this!
^^^ This is some seriously excellent advice. For me it was AA but the point is the same: try something, anything. And the anxiety WILL stop. Drinking has a lot to do with it and right now you are caught in that vicious cycle of anxiety/drink to stop the anxiety/drink then worsens the anxiety/drink again...
"Put a crack in it" is exactly right. And stay here. When I first came on here, I stayed for basically three full days/nights in a row. Through the anxiety, the cravings, the crazy thoughts and fears. All of it. At the end of those 72 hours I was not feeling wonderful, but I was sober and my anxiety was greatly reduced. If not that, then a meeting or something else. But you can totally do this. I NEVER thought I'd be able to stop for 24 hours, let alone almost 22 months. You can do it too.
Stay close. We've got you.
And hang in there, this is a fight for your life.