Originally Posted by Ptcapote

Hi Jsbodhi, I've been enjoying your other posts today so I thought I'd read this one when I saw it pop up.

I also was a Jekyll/Hyde when blackout drunk. And those blackouts came at the end of my drinking (last year or so) and happened almost every single time I drank. Same as you and Okla, I was consuming less and less, getting drunk faster and faster, and blacking out immediately.

It took me awhile to believe that I was actually as mean and awful as people were telling me I was (I sure couldn't remember). Wasn't I always the happy drunk? The intellectual drunk? But an incoherent, raging, borderline homicidal maniac? Never!

My partner at the time (who got the brunt of these rages) actually filmed me one night and showed me the next day. It was truly the most awful thing I have seen about myself. Ever. It should have scared me more than it did but it took another six months, and several more very damaged relationships, until I stopped.

But yes, there was PT 1 and PT 2. When I drank in the end, I never knew who was going to come out.

As to whether that's the alcohol or you...I agree that it's probably a little of both. In therapy after I quit drinking I have discovered I am pretty angry about a lot of things that I had no idea I was so angry about. Throwing wine on those issues, however, certainly morphed them into things they were not. And cost me dearly.

Anyway, great topic, thanks for posting, and so glad you're here. You're doing great, hang in there. Hugs.