I hear you. I'm an alcoholic and realizing that I would drink again despite all of the consequences, despite all of my own efforts, was the good bottom after my bad bottom.
I didn't have a choice in the matter. After 40 years of drinking and smoking pot and living on benzos, I knew that despite my best efforts, I would drink and use again.
That realization brought me to finally surrender, and in some inexplicable way, I found some freedom in it. It's way to paradoxical for me to explain, but just giving up the fight somehow allowed me to tap into a power that could do what I couldn't.