Originally Posted by
Carbonized 
Didn't mean for it to sound that way. Combination of lack of sleep, overwork, and falling apart. Then and now i feel really, really bad Can barely function at work, having to keep from breaking down crying a lot and a very strong desire for suicide keep thinking about the worst in life, Feeling dread, all alone. World is such a cold place.
Hello Carbonized. Sorry to hear you're in such a way with yourself. I was suicidal for years back when. Nothing wonderful there. Like you, my head was full of dread and doubts. I too saw the coldness in the world.
You know though, suicide is never a good answer. Even when we might believe it looks like the best alternative, it never is, imo. I suppose there are some circumstances such as terminal illness when dying quickly is better than wasting away or whatever but those are exceptions the way I have come to see things.
You're not alone. Believe it, friend.
You've reached out to others here on SR, and to your credit your straight forward and honest enough to receive back some help, yeah? Taking in help was so difficult for me it was almost I'd rather die on my own than live with being helped. I was wrong, and I'm here to tell you nothing wrong with being helped. Nothing.
I've been to residential rehab. Very helpful. Sure enough nothing is perfect in a rehab, and yet there is a lot to offer those who can see their way to getting themselves a new start.
I'm on the road today on a 7hr drive from Ottawa to Boston. Looks like a lucky break in the weather for the drive down. I'll check into your thread late tonight. Like I said, you're not alone Carbonized.