I work in a resort and it's the end of the season so i'm finished here. Heading to NYC for a few weeks. Am currently planning on full physical. mental much more difficult time/money/quality issues. Can at least score meds on the street if i look but that is only coating over the problems. Want to totally rebuild myself but am feeling that i'm irreparable. life completly wrong, one massive continous error since childhood. too old for options, backed into a corner, Waiting prepared for one last battle. Can vividly imagine the fruits of victory but heavy odds due to shortcomings, inferiority, and damage make it a longshot. Haunted by the past, dreading the future.