Thank you all. I was thinking about SR as I drove home from work yesterday, about all those I started my journey with years ago. I'm still in touch with some of them although they no longer post here. Some I know have gone back to drinking, and some are living happy sober lives. I was so full of determination and drive in the early days. I would have done anything to avoid drinking. I have lost that energy somewhere. It wasn't easy to get sober but the thought of going back to drinking was enough to propel me through the changes I needed to make, and they have been huge.
I've got another transition to make at Christmas. New job. I've been at my current one for 12 years and I have put so much into that place, in many ways I feel a great deal of sadness to be leaving. But it's the right decision, this one is much closer to home and I will be more available to support my Mum.
I know this sounds strange, but I feel as that door closes, it shuts on a huge chapter of my life, and that might include my sobriety. I don't know why the job and sobriety are so closely linked for me. I was a drunk when I was there, and then I got sober. My reputation for being the outrageous one at work functions continues to follow me to this day. Yes...I was the one who danced on the tables, gave other men her phone number and often ended up in hospital through falling and hurting myself. When I stopped drinking, many people were disappointed. I think I provided the entertainment value. Sober, I have had a number of promotions and now hold a senior management position.
And so I move on to a place where nobody knows me. I can be who I choose to be. I'm not saying I want to be the drunk again, but people liked me like that. I am naturally a quiet almost antisocial person. It takes a lot of effort for me to be social and I hate chitchat unless I'm really good friends with a person.
SR, AA and my recovery support people were part of my past...new year, lots of changes. I can walk away and start again. And right now I'm not sure whether I want alcohol to be part of that future. Re-set the clock. Drink socially again. I have the knowledge and self-awareness now to stop it becoming such a problem again. Haven't i??