Thanks for the replies everyone.
Greenbean, what are you going to do different this time?
For me, I know that to drink is to lose my friends, family, job, music, peace of mind, and probably my life. Unfortunately, this knowledge alone cannot prevent me from taking that first drink. I have a "peculiar mental twist" which causes me to forget the bad consequences of drinking at the most inopportune times. Only reliance on the God of my misunderstanding saves me from falling victim to this curious mental blind spot.
This is the meaning of powerlessness over alcohol for me: when I have a drink, I can't predict when I will stop; and I CANNOT prevent myself from taking that first drink. Quite a conundrum, no? I paraphrase the first step for myself as follows:
"You're F*cked"
Once I realize that I'm totally screwed and have no ability to fix my problem, I can start to seek that which can. This is the purpose of the twelve steps, to get me in touch with something that can fix my problem.
When I came in I was highly doubtful about this whole deal, but I was so desperate that overcame my contempt for what I believed was a load of spiritual bunkum and just did my best to do what was asked of me.
Best decision I ever made.
Best,